Why #METOO May Be the End of My Relationship
I have been in a relationship with the same man for almost 9 years. During those years, I have learned a lot about him, that I respect, and he knows me well enough to know I came with my own baggage. I store my baggage in a tightly sealed closet and it rarely comes out.
The #METOO Movement, opened a few closet doors, being a trigger that has given me strength. It has given me hope, and it has given me a sense of “normal”.
The Kavanaugh vs. Ford fiasco has been chronically “in our face” as a POLITICAL ISSUE for the past week, causing ripples, (actually a tidal wave) in our relationship.
He is backing Kavanaugh in his battle against Ford, stating that the man is innocent, and Christine Blasey Ford is just trying to end his political career.
We are BOTH entitled to our opinions, and I would prefer to let it be just that; OPINIONS. I believe that if Mr. Kavanaugh is guilty, or not guilty, he needs to go through the process, just like Ms. Ford is.
Whatever happened between the two, has forced Ms. Ford to cry during her statement, in front of millions of viewers. It has forced her to re-live trauma that he may (or may not) have inflicted on her. His response is that he is NOT GUILTY. Fair enough. So, let them go through the court process and figure it out. Whether it is on the media and common knowledge or not, anyone who has suffered sexual harrassment or abuse has to become transparent and live through the incident, time and time again. Why would she become SO public, if nothing happened? It is so difficult to come out and tell a story about being vulnerable -especially when the topic is sexually based.
I prefer to leave the people on the TV to their own battles and not discuss it with my live in man, D.
D makes jokes about #METOO now. I mean, he really thinks he is funny, when he says things to me like, “Oh, did I offend you? Is that part of your #METOO Movement?” Or, “Oh, you better call the #METOO people! I hurt your feelings and was offensive”, followed by an evil snicker and an eye roll on his face. He uses it as some sort of comic “shtick” in my presence.
He even goes so far as to posting “funny memes” on facebook, making stupid jokes about the movement , and it makes my blood boil like molten lava from a volcano.
He is very aware of my past. I had my #METOO back in 1997/98 when I put two pedophiles behind bars. The only thing is, is that it WASN’T a #METOO movement then, it was just #ME.
My sister contacted me for the first time in ten years and asked for my help. She told me that my uncle had moved in with my brother and his 4 children (3 of whom were young girls). Two of my nieces were the same age as I was, when I watched that same uncle rape my sister, numerous times in the bed we shared. Knowing that my nieces were in danger, I went to the local police to report the rapes from 18 years prior.
My father was also a pedophile, and I suffered for the early part of my childhood for the damage he had done to me. When I reported the uncle (my dad’s brother) I also had to disclose what my father had done to me as a child. (Countless times).
It was a long, hard trial. I had to relive so many emotions and painful memories in front of a jury. I was questioned by my dad and uncle’s lawyers in a way that made me look like I WAS LYING. It was the most painful ordeal I have suffered and it hurts me to think of the debris I left behind me in the family tree, as I chopped it to pieces, branch by branch. My uncle has two daughters as well, and I warned his ex wife that the trial was approaching. She wasn’t the least bit surprized of what her ex husband was capable of.
It was a time in my life I choose not to discuss with D. He wasn’t there when I went through it, but he DOES know that it happened. In fact, at a family wedding once, my uncle was present, and D had the balls to call him out in front of his daughters with “Oh look! Here comes the pedophile now!”. Not appropriate and not cool. Since that wedding, his daughters will not have anything to do with me. (Lesson learned)
So, here we are. We are in a world where women are FINALLY feeling confident and strong enough to come forward, face their fears and take down the men who have done harm to them. I am SO PROUD of each and every one of them. I have been waiting for a movement this powerful since I was a young girl and I weep when I see women successfully face their demons. The strength in numbers is a force to be reckoned with, yet D feels the need to back up the men who have sexually offended women.
IT MAKES MY SKIN CRAWL
IT MAKES ME FEEL RAGE INSIDE
IT OFFENDS ME
But he WON’T STOP.
It would be one thing if D was at least educated in what the #METOO movement represents, but all he knows is what is plastered on the media, regarding a political being that he follows. He defends Kavanaugh without even understanding why Ford is coming forward. He, then, makes jokes about how ALL women who are offended by anything are jumping on the #METOO bandwagon!
BANDWAGON?? I can’t even….
I am not saying that all of the women who come forward are ALL 100% truthful. In fact, maybe some of them are making up stories to harm men’s careers. If they are, then they have their own Karma to face. But it’s not up to US as couch surfing news watchers to decide. It’s up to the courts, the jurors and the LAW to decide. Just because he is JUDGEMENTAL, does not make him a JUDGE.
He is the epitome of why I never told anyone about the uncle and father who almsot destroyed my life, before I was in my 20's. He is a non believer who thinks that women come forward to GAIN something!
What the fuck did I gain, from watching my 60 something year old father be taken out of a courtroom in handcuffs? What did I gain from having to slap a restraining order against my rapist uncle when he told his lawyer that I was nothing that a bullet couldn’t take care of?
I’ll tell you what I gained….I gained the loss of my mother in my life, as well as my brother and his family. I lost the ability to pretend I came from a somewhat “normal” family. I gained the loss of friends and respect in the small town I grew up in because dad had a “community”.
I also gained a serious eating disorder, a battle with addiction, and suicidal tendancies in my teen years.
I also gained the knowledge that my daughter and nieces were safe from these men. I gained my daughter learning through my role modelling that YOU DO HAVE A VOICE and YOU DO HAVE RIGHTS. I taught my daughter about strength and right vs wrong. I taught her how to be a powerful young feminist who won’t take shit from men like my her grandfather and great uncle.
Over the past 9 years D and I have a had a few bumps along the way, but I truly do love him. Over the past few days, however, his lack of respect for me and other women, has cut a deep wedge between us that is NOT just a “bump”. It’s a fucking canyon that seems to grow with every joke, every #METOO reference and every insensitive, uneducated comment he makes. My respect has gone from a 10 to a 2 for him, in the way he views women and their rights.
We can have opinions on opposite ends of every spectrum, and I respect him for his perspectives. We can try to agree to disagree. But when something I have actually LIVED through, is the butt of his twisted jokes, and is used as a weapon against me, it has gone too far. I refuse to allow such blatant disrespect from anyone. I worked way too hard on my life, and making sure that I wasn’t a victim, to put up with any kind of belittling or chastising for something I am beyond passionate about. Something that I am proud of, and did on my OWN.
If it ceases to stop coming from his mouth and offending me, he will be the one left behind with the hashtag #JUSTME.