OPPOSING VIEWS IN RELATIONSHIPS
When EYE to EYE …becomes TOE TO TOE
Imagine that you have been with your spouse, partner, significant other, best friend, soul mate, or someone else that you truly care about and respect for a long period of time.
Then…. it happens. You wake up and realize that they have a very strong opinion about a belief or ethic that you completely disagree with. Well, fuck.
I am not talking about not changing the roll of toilet paper when its empty, or not putting the lid back on the toothpaste. I am speaking of BIG TICKET items, such as Religion, Racism, Feminism, or even hunting.
WHAT DO YOU DO? WHAT IS THE DEAL BREAKER FOR YOU?
> He thinks hunting animals is a sport, and she is a vegan who doesn’t believe in killing food to survive.
> He thinks that people of other races don’t belong in our country, she volunteers with the refugees.
> He believes that women should be the nurturers and stay home with the babies, she is driven by her career.
> He believes that women who dress provocatively are looking to “get laid”, she believes that women can dress anyway they want, and its about respect and CONSENT.
These are REALLY STRONG differences of opinions and some couples cope, and others dissolve. Friendships can end over issues like these, so why wouldn’t a couple’s relationship?
CAN YOU MAKE IT WORK?
At what point can you:
A) stay together and just agree to disagree, or
B) Determine that you cannot live with someone who doesn’t share your belief systems or your ethics?
Stubborness plays a very integral role in a difference of opinions, as does up bringing and family values history. If you or your Significant other are stubborn, it may keep you together, or may be the deciding factor in your break up. My partner and I are both stubborn and we have different opinions about a few HOT BUTTON topics, by our stubbornness keeps us together.
Is this a “healthy” relationship? I have yet to determine the answer. But, I am still here and still enjoy having him in my life.
What if he comes from a family where hunting is what you did to fill your freezer for your family, and she came from a household of vegetarians? I dare say, that upon date 1, this would be brought up over dinner, and would be a deal breaker.
However, what if after 5 years of sharing a home with someone, you realize that he refers to women as “chicks” and “hoes” and spends time ogling half naked ladies on Instagram. Her moral compass screams “Hell no!”.
At what point does the HEART investment no longer matter? You have emotionally invested so much into a relationship that now has changed its path, forever. Is it worth it to stay? Or should you move on in hopes that you will one day find someone who “shares your cares?” How do you see beyond someone else’s ideals, even if you disagree wholeheartedly…
This does happen, and it has happened to me. I never realized, for whatever reason the capacity of my partner’s view of women. He is an “objectifier” and that is NOT cool with me. I am not sure why I never noticed it before. Love can be blind, but I would like to think I am more in tune than that.
So, after what I thought was a relationship that we see “EYE TO EYE” on most topics, we have gone” TOE TO TOE” and the argument ended with my threatening to leave if he didn’t change his attitude and opinion. Is THIS fair to him? Is it okay for me to make him change? Or should I be willing to compromise my beliefs and let it slide…..IS THERE SOME KIND OF COMPROMISE we can both make? Or will this be the deal breaker…?
Maybe its time for a HEART TO HEART instead of going TOE TO TOE…
