AND I AM OK WITH THAT…
Its no joke, sometimes I can be a real asshole, and honestly, I have surrendered to this side of me, with grace. Throughout my 40+ years of life, I have met many people who, upon first impressions strike me as an asshole, or a jerk, or whatever the fitting word for them is. Although they are not always my cup of tea, I “get it” now, why they are the way they are. They are just TIRED OF BEING NICE ALL THE TIME!
I have always been “nice”. TOO NICE. I let people boss me around, or “advise” me with their guidance of the day and I used to be the YES GIRL. At some point, this changed, and now I have joined the asshole club.
It seems like, everyone has their breaking point, where you just get exhausted, mentally and physically from running around like a lunatic, making sure everyone is happy. You nurture, coddle, kiss boo boos and change your life to accommodate the ones you love, the ones who look up to you, or the ones who supervise you at your job. You want to always make a good and positive impression, and you thrive on ensuring that everyone LIKES YOU! Over time, this practice becomes so deflating, and tiresome because you stop worrying about yourself. You let other people’s opinion of you define you. You stop taking time to ponder your own happiness, and you give yourself so much to others that you ultimately lose YOU.
HOW TO BE AN ASSHOLE 101-
> Don’t worry about what others think of you- stop fretting about being popular, or adored by those who surround you. That is something we all want in high school, but in adult, day to day life, do you honestly care if that “friend” on facebook thinks that you’re awesome? Do you really give two “F’s” if the driver in the next vehicle sees you as a courteous person? Why? They could care less and you shouldn’t care either.
>Put YOUR needs first- sometimes you just want to remove yourself from the company of your significant other, your children, or your friends, and just go for a run, or have a long hot bubble bath, or (god forbid) read a book. You CAN tell others that you are busy, and take time for YOU. If that makes you an asshole….you need to be okay with that
>Say no!- Pretty basic. If you are the one that ALWAYS attends birthday parties, or Tupperware parties, or those “work functions” after hours, but deep down, you honestly don’t feel like it…JUST SAY NO. You don’t have to give a reason or excuse. Just don’t go! And, if the next day, everyone is shunning you or talking about what a great time you missed out on, you need to be okay with that too.
>Speak Yo’ Mind!!- This is a bold move, I know. But, it can be done. I am surrounded by very strong personalities, at work, at home, and in my family. I am typically the type who holds back, and bites my tongue, even when I know that what the other person is saying is NOT my opinion, or is just incorrect information. I am learning now, to SPEAK UP, and say what is going through my head, rather than taste the blood of my tongue. JUST SAY IT.
>Just Do What YOU Want to DO!- Your husband wants you to go the “boat show” again this year, and after 15 years of attending the same show, you have yet to see a boat docked in your yard or in the lake….You would rather stay home and watch a movie, or binge Netflix than spend the day looking at Outboards and Yachts you can’t afford. THEN DO IT! Its okay to NOT participate in events or feel pressured to do things with others f you don’t want to! Be the boss of you…You can take that time to do whatever you want to do.
>Don’t “Buy In” to Drama- Your bestie calls you with man problems, or your kid comes home and is crying her eyes out because she’s not friends with “that girl” anymore, or your husband is losing his mind over the electric bill. DON’T BUY IN. This doesn’t mean that you can’t offer your suggestions or your opinions on the matter. Just don’t get emotionally invested, because, guess what, “ITS NOT YOUR PROBLEM” ( I know, SHOCKER, right?). Many times, over the years, I have felt the repercussions of other people’s issues, or their drama. Why do I do that? EMPATHY. Empathy forces you to “buy in” to other people’s shit. Find a way to turn that stuff off, and separate yourself from THEIR issues. Typically, what is a HUGE issue one day, is forgotten the next, but when people you care about share their problems or drama, NICE people tend to absorb the emotions for them and stew about it. meanwhile, they get over it, and it now has become your issue. STOP. IT.
>You Don’t Know Everything- Assholes are often the guys or girls who seem to know “everything” about “everything”. If you want to be an A Hole, just make stuff up as you go along. Someone starts discussing Politics and you want to get involved to make yourself look smarter, you add to the conversation with some random BS that YOU think is accurate. Just spew it out. Non A-Holes, actually have knowledge or an understanding about topics that you discuss and they care about other people’s opinions. A-holes, post political Memes on FB about gun control and the “me too” movement without backing up their opinions with knowledge or education. You have a choice here to be an Asshole or not. I prefer NOT to be THIS particular type of asshole, but whatevs…you be you.
> Interrupt People and Argue with No Results- This is another practice I am sometimes guilty of, although I am not proud of it. I DO get frustrated with people who I disagree with, especially my spouse, and if he is droning on and on, I WILL interrupt him, but I try and do it nicely. I’ll put my hand up slowly and say something like “Can I have a turn to talk now?” or “I am going to interrupt you right there”. And YES, I will argue, even if I know that I won’t win. I don’t argue to WIN, I argue so I am heard. Yes this probably makes me an asshole.
So, what have we learned? That people aren’t ALWAYS really Assholes when they follow all of the above practices. They aren’t selfish, and they aren’t being jerks. They have just began a life of THEIR OWN, and have learned how to keep from suffocating from the actions and words of others.
As we age, and our children become adults, at some point we stop nurturing them, and focus on showing them how to be strong adults. This world is now so full of opinions and offended people and “Feels” that the value of being strong and standing your ground has now made us all look like assholes. Someone will ALWAYS dislike your opinions, your perspectives and your behavior.
~”What others think of you is none of your business”`Paulo Coelho
Just because we have a strong opinion about something, does NOT make us an asshole. Just because we are a LEADER and not a follower-again, not an Asshole. And just because we take time for self care or just time for OURSELF…we are not being selfish Assholes, we are simply trying to find our happy place, and just “BE”
Lets all start the “I’m An Asshole” movement…..and start focusing on ourselves and do what makes us happy.