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I am starting out as a book and blog writer, and although, I have recently found a comfort zone on Medium, I am terrified to share the articles/blogs that I write! I only share my writings with people who I trust, that will not throw backlash and comments at me like gasoline on a bonfire.

Why is that? I made the decision to write “publicly” about 6 months ago, to sharpen my skills, vent out some frustrations, and to share experiences. I have over 1000 people on my Facebook page, and a bunch on my Instagram account, but I feel that “sharing” my writings will cause such a judgmental blood bath, that it just isn’t worth the extra “claps” or votes, or followers on Medium itself. I have also signed up as a paid member recently, and although I know that in order to earn any money, or new followers, its probably best to share my articles, but I just cannot bring myself to do so.

A strange thing happened a couple weeks back, that freaked me right out!I have been writing and quietly stashing my Medium work for the past months and have sent links to a couple trustworthy people, knowing full well that they could then access my other articles as they are “public”. I had written an article lately, about my daughter and my boyfriend and their toxic relationship, as well as some random ones about cancer, writing books and a few others.

On this day, a couple weeks ago, I decided to send a text message to a person I hadn’t reached out to for about 7 years. I hadn’t heard from him, and something came up in my world, that reminded me of him, so I sent him a quick “Hey, how are you? I need to tell you something when you have a spare moment”. His response was almost bone chilling:

“Sorry you have cancer, I was hoping your daughter and boyfriend were getting along better, and good luck on your book!”

Umm, WHAT?

How the hell did he know what was going on in my life? Suddenly, he seemed to be some kind of creeper, that I felt was checking up on me on Facebook, or Instagram, or Twitter, even though we are no longer linked on any of those apps, and have not spoken in years!

Once I got a hold of myself, I responded back via text and asked him where he got all of this information. His answer, made me speechless. “I GOOGLED YOU”

Say what?

Did you know, that when you write on Medium, you become famous on Google? I did NOT know that. I Googled myself and BOOM, there it was! The titles of my last two articles I wrote on here. So now, it makes me wonder if maybe I should try and share, and just ignore or take the backlash. But then again….The “stuff” I have written on here, are very self indulgent and self centered, and really expose what happens in my head and heart. I am not sure that I am ready to let my “Meme” friends see that side of me! I spend my time on Facebook, looking for hilarious articles and trading silly Memes and posting funny and racy weather app pics. I don’t air dirty laundry, I never post negativity and I have a strict rule that I avoid getting involved in other people’s problems when they post them as their statuses. I just don’t think that my old neighbors or my daughter’s friends, or my classmates from high school have any need to read the deep thoughts that I have purged in my blogs.

I recently shared a link of my Medium writings with my daughter. She always asks me what I am writing or working on and I always share the information with her. I don’t typically let her “in” to my writing head or heart. After I sent her the link, I panicked, as one of the articles is about her, in detail. Not a scathing or hurtful article, but very opinionated from my perspective about her relationship with my partner. I have not heard whether she has wandered into my world on here, and I am eagerly waiting, but worried about her feedback. Hopefully she will see it and read it from my standpoint, and not take offense to it. But, that’s what writing is about.

It is akin to someone reading your personal diary or journals if you lay your true heart and soul out in your writing. It can be risky, but it is also so damn cleansing and therapeutic. I just don’t think that my “friends” on Facebook need to see the inside of my soul. At least not until I become a true Published writer. I also have a strained relationship with many of my family members and know that my Medium articles will become topics to gossip about or cause speculation of whom I am referring to. At this point in time, are the “claps’ worth it? Or do I just keep everything in a nice quiet corner, bundled nicely for random strangers to peruse, on Medium?

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Writer of relationships / early childhood and mental health . Poetry and fiction dabbler

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