Quality Checking Your Relationship-How Many Stars Would You Give Your Mate?
Some helpful questions to review your mate, and rate your happiness in your relationship.
These days, most service industries and corporations send out surveys to check the quality of their products and customer service. It seems to be the only way that CEO’ s and business owners can ensure that they are making their clients and customers happy. Although surveys and requests for reviews can be tiresome, and even annoying, they are sent out for good reason. Without the feedback from the people who are provided with products and services, industries are blind to the success and failure of what they provide to their customers.
In our world of reviews, surveys and questionnaires, we are able to research what is the best, what company offers the highest quality, and where the standards are set, based on how many stars are given, what rating we give, and how happy we are with what is provided for us.
What would happen if we reviewed and rated what our partners provide and offer for us?
Let’s Review, Shall We?
As a disclaimer, I am not a professional in relationships, nor am I certified in being a therapist, councilor, or in analyzing the happiness of others.
Where I come from is experiences. I have experienced enough trauma, doubt, distrust, violence, toxic abuse, and everything in between, in bad relationships. I have also seen the best of what a positive, healthy relationship has to offer. Through my levels of experience, I feel knowledgeable about the pros and cons, and positives and negatives, when it comes to sharing your life with another person.
If I were to conduct a survey on my own relationship, these are the questions I would ask myself-
On a scale of 1–5, 1- being “Very Dissatisfied and 5- being Extremely Satisfied, please answer the following:
- How satisfied are you with your friendship with you current partner?
2. When the two of you laugh together, how satisfied are you, when you have these shared moments?
3. When your partner helps you with tasks, how satisfied are you with his/her help?
4. When you are intimate, how do you feel before and after?
5. When it comes to joint efforts in projects/goals, how do you feel about the shared amount of work that each of you puts in?
6. When you are upset, how well does your partner show empathy and understanding?
7. During times when you are having conversations with your partner, how would you rate their level of hearing what you say to them?
8. At times when you are both frustrated, and dealing with challenges, rate your partner on how well they manage/cope?
9. During times when you disagree on a topic, how satisfied are you when it comes to ending the discussion?
10. At times when you make future plans, how satisfied are you that you have equal opportunity to have input or feedback on the plan?
11. How satisfied are you in the way that your partner speaks about you to others, while you are in social environments?
12. During times when you both take on household responsibilitie, time with your children or pets, or daily tasks, how satisfied are you with the equality of effort?
13. Overall, how satisfied are you with how his/her family treats you?
14. In general, how content are you in the way your partner makes you feel, emotionally?
15. If you were to become ill, how satisfied are you in the way your partner helps and supports you?
16. When you need a favor, or ask your partner to do something for you, how satisfied are you with their answer/ actions?
17. If you do favors for your partner, how satisfied are you in how it makes you feel?
18. Generally speaking, how safe do you feel in the presence of your partner?
19. On an emotional level, how satisfied are you with how your partner speaks to you?
20. During intimacy, how satisfied are you that your partner meets your needs?
21. If you were to share a deep, dark secret with your partner, how satisfied are you that they would keep it a secret between the two of you?
22. When you have an idea, how satisfied are you, that your partner would support you and not take credit for it?
23. In your household, how satisfied are you that the financial responsibilities are shared equally?
24. Following an argument, or heated debate, how satisfied are you at the outcome, in regards to your feelings?
25. How likely are you to recommend someone like your partner to a friend?
26. Regarding value, how satisfied are you that have value and worth in your relationship?
27. If you saw flaws in your relationship, how satisfied are you that your partner would listen to your concerns and work with you to improve?
28. On a scale of 1 to 5, how content are you when your partner comes home after being at work or away?
29. How satisfied are you in the way your partner treats your friends and family?
30. In regards to talking about feelings, how satisfied are you that you are both able to share how you feel about various topics, scenarios, or challenges?
Based on the scale of 1–5, if you have scored mostly 4’s or 5’s, chances are, you are in a healthy, loving relationship. If you have scored mostly 1–3’s, your relationship definitely needs some work, or it means that you may not be compatible with one another.
I know it goes without saying that relationships take a lot of work to maintain. Often times, relationships can seem one sided, with all of the responsibilities leaning toward one person, or the other, and this is not the healthiest way to share a life. Asking yourself the questions above will assist you in seeing where the scale tips, in equality or imbalance.
Two Key Ingredients to a healthy relationship, I have discovered when I left a toxic relationship behind me, are these:
- There is no mistaking the importance of having a friendship with your partner. The friendship you share should oversee and be the priority in maintaining, within your relationship. If you cannot tell your partner secrets, or deep seated feelings, but you can share them with others, most likely there is a breakdown in your relationship.
- The partner you choose may be Good To You, but that doesn't necessarily mean that your partner is Good For You. Just because they provide materialistically or because they give you “stuff” does NOT mean that they are necessarily good for you. You could have a spouse who offers to hand you the moon and the stars, but if they make you feel worthless for not being able to get them for yourself, they are not good for you. Conversely, you can have a spouse who will help you to reach the moon and stars, and because you shared the journey to get them, they are good for you.
Quality relationships challenge you without making you feel powerless. They are a joint responsibility with balanced effort. In a solid, healthy relationship there are no superiors and no subordinates, but team players who share the work and the joy.
In a toxic relationship, there will will be one key person who tows the line, makes the decisions, and runs the show. The toxic partner will take credit for all the good ideas, even their partner’s, and will work harder to make themselves look good, than they do their significant other. The same toxic partner will not back his/her spouse if they are mistreated by others and will not always speak kindly, and respectfully, of their spouse in social settings.
Behind closed doors, intimacy should bring satisfaction, joy and private moments between healthy couples, and not discomfort. Trust levels between members of a healthy relationship should mean that secrets would be kept, and shared laughter should be based on joy, and not laughing at the expense of one another. Life, with all of its responsibilities, plans, challenges, events, and goals, in a healthy relationship should be mutually shared or divided equally.
There is nothing wrong with conducting regular reviews on your relationship to analyze the satisfaction you feel within a partnership. In fact, keeping yourself aware of the fundamentals of your partnership can help to highlight areas that are extremely satisfactory, or that may require some tweaking.
Remember that both partners need to survey themselves, in order for fairness, understanding, and as an opening for conversations that can open up doors to improve the happiness and contentment that you feel individually, as well as a couple. Having been in both toxic and in a healthy relationship, I see the need for status checks on occasion, in order to maintain healthy, open dialogue, and to ensure that feelings and frustrations can be aired without turning into a deep rooted conflict.
For fun, you can quiz and survey each other and use these questions as a tool to navigate through what may need some help, and where you are both highly satisfied in your relationship.
I wish you all 5 stars.