Oh, MEDIUM, You are a F**king Emotional Roller Coaster
Writing is an emotional challenge. Every. Single. Time.
It is an extension of your thought process, your emotions and your overall mood. It can be happy and fluffy, or dark and dirty.
Some days I am so excited to put a piece together, that has been floating around in the frontal and parietal parts of my crazy brain. Somedays, however, I sit and stare off into space and wonder if I can share the twisted imagery that stirs in me, like blood red eyes on a moonless night.
Medium has taught me that sometimes, it is BETTER to just share the happy and fluffy pieces, even though, the dark and dirty get more readers’ attention. It’s not the fault of the reader, I GET THAT. However, it seems as though the darker and deeper I dig, the more “interesting” my work is.
When I first started posting on this network, it was a “trial run” to see if I can even consider writing as a way to succeed. I have had one payment of just over 24.00 sent to me, and that made me absolutely ECSTATIC! I was finally being read, heard and seen as a writer. It was a shove in the direction to write more, and to hone my skills.
WITH GREAT WRITING COMES GREAT RESPONSIBILITY.
Or does it?
Often, my dark pieces gain the MOST attention, however, they can also gain the WRONG attention. Readers who relate to what I put out there, somehow manage to make my words about them, causing backlash. This is not a “perfect” way to enter the writing realm, however, it definitely gains the most attention. They say that ANY publicity, is good publicity but I am not sure it’s worth the price of pissing people off. Even when it is NOT about them. (actually it IS worth it)
I have had many ups and downs, like some crazy rollercoaster of words, tagged with emotions, and I am not giving up. I am enjoying this ride and seeing followers join me in the adjoining cars. We can throw our arms up in the air, ride the climb up, and suddenly drop down while butterflies take over our stomachs, only to ride back up again.
I feel like all of us on MEDIUM are on this wild ride together. It doesn’t come with competition, per se, but it DOES come with emotional and creative investment. If we are willing to share such depths of our souls on a forum that can be read my so many people, we are STRONG people. We are willing to take the risk of getting on a car on a roller coaster, just to see where it takes us, and to find out if it will scare the shit out of us, or will we sit back and just enjoy the thrill of it. Some days definitely cause more adrenalin for me, as I write something that could be seen as “controversial”. However, there are also days when I write, and simply hope it is easy to understand, and is an enjoyable read.
My most read articles on Medium, are ones that I never saw as “amazing”. At the time, I was simply writing out a story line or a quick poem, as it flowed from my brain to my finger tips. (click …click…up the track)
My most heartfelt posts tend to be overlooked. I have pieces on here that caused me to tear up as I wrote them, or shake my head in wonderment, not knowing where they came from. But, the kick in the ass, is they are my lowest read pieces. (whoosh, a free fall drop without warning down the coaster, butterflies and a bit of terror).
Back on the roller coaster, feeling that I am on my way up once again, then BAM, down, yet again, with my heart in my feet, wondering what I did differently or “wrong”.
In the end, I reckon it comes down to consistency, knowing your audience and working toward creating pieces that everyone can relate to. If you look through my writing, you can clearly see that I don’t stay on any one topic. I have too much in my mind to stay on one idea. Much like the crazy roller coaster that Medium is, my brain and thought process is akin to a Tilt-a-Whirl. It spins and spins, sometimes making me nauseous, until words are projectiled out. Typically, the result of something that is dark or sad.
I lay in bed at night thinking of what the next day’s piece will be about, and how I can put it into words that make sense. It becomes my own world, where somedays it’s all fluff and rainbows. Other days, it’s a shrewd cloak of darkness. No matter what it is, it is an extension of me. It’s my way of flushing thoughts out on unsuspecting readers, and making them “feel something”. Sometimes, it’s like throwing a rock into a body of water, never to be seen again. Other days, its a feather, flowing on a stream, to be seen on the surface and not overlooked.
Writing provokes judgement unlike any other art form. You hear a song on the radio that has words you may or may not understand, but if it has a fun groove, you like it anyhow. If you see a painting at a gallery that is vibrant, with angry brush strokes and doesn’t form an image, you don’t judge the artist. You see it as “interesting” or “not your taste”. We don’t wonder if the painting was designed for us. We don’t ponder what the artist was going through during the creation. It just is. Writing is not like either of these arts. It is YOU. No matter what the story is, or the concept, it is a clear indication of what is flowing through your brain and heart, then ultimately out your fingertips. We read books by Stephen King and wonder where he gets such a twisted imagination. Romance novels make us wonder where the writers get their inspirations. Fiction, in general makes us consider the author, as much as we do the characters of the story. I love seeing author’s photos on the backs of their books, to compare them to their story plots. I was shocked the first time I saw a photo of Dean Koontz, however, he looked almost exactly as I imagined.
You may like it, or you may not. It may move me up the track of the screeching roller coaster, or leave me hanging, waiting, to see if anyone is out there to share the ride with me.
There are no safety harnesses on this ride, as I have recently come to realize. But, I am prepared to ride it out, nonetheless.
Enjoy the Ride Fellow Writers. I know I am.
