When remembering your story sucks…but it NEEDS to be shared
I have wanted to write a book about my life for many years. I have started it 4 separate times and put it away because it really isn’t a pleasant story….
I grew up in what can only be described as HELL. There was abuse by many family members, my first real boyfriend, and self abuse. There was A LOT of alcohol and many years of wishing I would just die.
NOW I am in a happy and safe place. I am READY to write my story. I am on Chapter 8 and have recently hit a spot where I am not sure how to continue without it affecting the rest of my every day, normal, 9–5 job, restful weekend, LIFE. It crawls into my thoughts like a horror movie that I watched decades ago, that I just can’t shake.
SO, why am I doing this? Why am I writing my story?
FOR ME ….FOR MY DAUGHTER…FOR PEOPLE LIKE ME WHO HAVE BEEN ABUSED.
My daughter is now a 24 year old young lady with her whole life ahead of her. She is a University Graduate (Psychology) and she has been waiting patiently to be the first to read my story. I am anxious for her to read it, and also reluctant. She knows the history of the family, she knows the background, and most of what I endured as a young girl and teenager, but I don’t know if she is ready for the dirty details, of what the people that raised me were capable of. It’s not a story that she will take lightly, as it is very “close to home” for her, however, I know that others will read it, and either gain something from it, or they will see it as just another story of familial abuse. Either way, it needs to come out of me, somehow.
I wonder if it will be completed before my mother and father pass away, and if they will read it if they are still alive. They are both aging rapidly and in their late 70’s. They will not be happy with the words on the pages. The truth will make them squirm, and backlash will arise from what I have written.
I have looked at Publishing companies and Self Publishing companies and have constant streams of emails and phone calls from them to check the status of the book and see if I am ready to pay them thousands of dollars to get it out there….Once its OUT, its OUT.
This has been a project that has been ongoing since before the internet. I started my ORIGINAL copy on a type writer! I REALLY want it to succeed, but I just cannot seem to get past Chapter 8.
The voice inside my head tells me that I can do this. I can tell my story, no matter who reads it or who doesn’t. I need to finish it to finally put it all behind me.
Writing makes me a stronger, better, more thoughtful and creative person….and up until this Chapter,( literally a Chapter in my life) I am stuck.
Stay tuned….I am planning on sitting down this weekend and working through it. I am hoping that once I am on Chapter 9, I will be able to focus and move on….and MAKE this book a success