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Photo by Fabian Grohs on Unsplash

Do All Writer’s Take “Notes”??

This may seem weird, but I don’t hand write any notes before I sit down to write. I am not certain if that is “normal”, but I find that taking notes, handwriting out thoughts, or using my phone to transcribe ideas, just doesn’t work for my process.

I am much more comfortable, sitting at the keyboard, and JUST WRITING. Is that weird?

I have been gifted so many journals and beautifully bound notebooks for birthdays, Christmas and “just because”, because I write.

I look at them with such appreciation, and admire the people who “think of me as a writer” and feel the need to give me these treasured books to write my thought, in, but the books stay clean, pretty, and unused in a neat pile on my bedside table. I don’t want to scribble my thoughts into them, in case I make them look messy.

I was even given a small tape recorder by a very special person once, to use to “dictate” what I would write, and honestly, I don’t know where I put it, and never did figure out what to do with it. I feel like everyone’s good intentions are going to waste, but I just cannot bring myself to “jot down” thoughts.

I like to stay organized.

I like that if you don’t like something that is typed on a screen, you can backspace, erase it, and forget it. It won’t be lying around in a beauttifully covered, leather bound book for other’s to “find”. What if the notes you jot down never make it to your writing projects and its just random rambling that, in the end, you find useless. Or worse, what if its a terribly written piece of work that is stumbled upon after you’re gone, and someone looks at it as your legacy? To me, that is the worst possible scenario.

So, I sit, and type as though my fingers are literally attached to my brain. And, if a thought that is not properly communicated comes out, I “backspace backspace backspace” until it goes away, into the black hole where it came from, and no one else is the wiser.

It’s as though people who don’t write, feel this weird obligation to give us tools in gift form ,to use to help hone our skills. Ironically, however, I find handwriting mundane and almost archaic. I also find myself wishing I had nicer handwriting and if I make a mistake I detest scribbling it out or using whiteout. In some cases, I can envision myself tearing out entire pages, just to start over again in a beautiful gifted book, that now has one less page, and is no longer perfect.

I wish I had the ability to be less OCD about these things and could take the time to utilize and embrace the gifts that my beloved friends and family give to me, from the bottom of their hearts, as they see me as a WRITER.

Possibly one day, I will see the value in scribbling down thoughts before they escape my scattered, anxiety ridden brain. But right now, my pretty books will sit, in a perfectly imperfect, neat pile, making my bedside table seem like I know what I am “supposed to be doing”, as a writer.

Writer of relationships / early childhood and mental health . Poetry and fiction dabbler

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