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What I Have Learned from Healing From Abuse

This past year has been full of reminders and painful memories of what I have overcome after years of abuse. I cannot explain this to you if you have never been emotionally, physically, sexually or physically abused, but I will try to help you comprehend what happens when you begin to heal.

The first thing all survivors of abuse need to realize is that your healing is never done. There is never a finish line or a light at the end of the tunnel. …


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Misery Truly Loves Company

Have you ever noticed that when you are having a shit day, others take time to listen?

Often, people who are close to you, or even friends on social media will take the time out of their hectic lives to reach out and ask you “what’s going on?” if you dare to post something negative. People tend to gravitate toward misery, and I am not sure why.

On the other side of the fence, if you post something positive, about how happy you are, how successful you feel, or how much money you earn, you hear crickets.

Why, oh why…


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Patience, Understanding and Compassion are Key

There is nothing harder to watch than someone being abused. It may not be about being hit or kicked, or about being physically violated, but observing someone you care about being mistreated is beyond excruciating.

I have been on both sides of this fence. I was the victim, and I have watched good friends of mine be treated in ugly ways. All you can do is try and bite your tongue from saying what you want to say, and pull from your heart and say what you need to.


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Why Some Abuse Survivors Feel the Need for Abusive Fixes

Abuse comes in a variety of colors, forms, and afflictions. It can be subtle, aggressive, blatant or questionable. No matter what it looks like, if you feel violated, harmed, harassed, threatened or demeaned by someone else, chances are you are being abused.

The definition of abuse, is the improper or inappropriate usage of treatment of something, often to unfairly gain benefit. There are many branches of the tree of abuse; mental, physical, sexual, financial, injury, maltreatment, cultural, spiritual, and psychological.

If you are raised in an abusive household, or affected by abuse, in any way, as a child, the impact…


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Lessons in Grieving and Loss

Having gone through the loss of a family member this past month, I have taken a few moments to reflect on the effects and trauma that a loss of someone causes, to everyone involved.

The fact that my sister cuddled the box of her 26 year old daughter’s ashes, and found comfort in it, may appear strange to some. In fact, it may even seem morbid, creepy, or just plain weird, when you don’t understand the circumstances behind the death of my niece.

She died by an overdose of a lethal injection of Fentanyl.

My sweet niece had been on…


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She Left us Long Ago

In March of 1995, my sister had a healthy, beautiful baby girl. She was the second child born to my sister and brother in law, and she was energetic, vibrant and loud as a child, and as a teen. Her brother was born two years after her, to the very date-March 16.

In total, my sister and her husband had 3 children; their eldest, *Danicka, was 6 years ahead of her sister, then came *Serenity, and finally their brother, *Desmond.

These three children wanted for nothing in life.

My sister and I grew up in a poverty stricken abusive home…


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Every Journey is Different

Unlike the physical marks, the broken bones and the scars from physical abuse, mental narcissistic abuse never visibly looks healed. In my experiences, I have healed from both.

My journey through the past few years of healing may look very different from another person’s. I feel, however, there have been some critical stepping stones for me, as I continue to learn and grow from my time as a victim. Some of these critical steps will be the part of healing that most will experience, as they begin to move forward from the traumatic effects of abuse.

One of the crucial…


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These tricks literally cause brain damage to their victims

As a survivor of toxic narcissistic abuse, I have done a ton of research to figure out why I still, after two years, feel the way I do about my past. I have also been learning about why he was the way he was, when he manipulated me into feeling inferior to him, over the span of close to a decade.

One of the most critical pieces of knowledge I have learned, is that narcissistic abuse causes damage to your brain.

Because of the amount of cortisol we release, day after day, damage is caused to the hippocampus, affecting its…


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It may not be the best choice, but it helps us survive

When I look back and try to recognize the person I was, when I was with a narcissistic abuser, one word comes to mind- FAKE.

I became a genius at pretending. I was skilled at acting genuine and in control. It was close to uncanny, the way I carried myself, head in the air, and seemingly happy.

Pictures on Facebook were of our travels together, events that we attended, and surrounded by friends. In all of the photos, I was most likely smiling or at least looked like I was. People who visited us, saw how he was toward me…


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It doesn’t make you a narcissist if you use their traits to heal

I had a lengthy meeting with my therapist last week, and we discussed the trauma that narcissistic abusers can cause. She asked me what my coping mechanisms were and I told her about the Grey Rock Method. She asked me for details on what this method entails, and I explained the practice of becoming a dull, grey rock so that you protect your own brightness and energy from the narcissist.

After we spoke about this technique, she said “You are an expert on narcissists!” I think I snorted when she said that, as I am far from what I would…

Kristina H

Writer of relationships / early childhood and mental health . Poetry and fiction dabbler

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