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Every Journey is Different

Unlike the physical marks, the broken bones and the scars from physical abuse, mental narcissistic abuse never visibly looks healed. In my experiences, I have healed from both.

My journey through the past few years of healing may look very different from another person’s. I feel, however, there have been some critical stepping stones for me, as I continue to learn and grow from my time as a victim. Some of these critical steps will be the part of healing that most will experience, as they begin to move forward from the traumatic effects of abuse.

One of the crucial…

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These tricks literally cause brain damage to their victims

As a survivor of toxic narcissistic abuse, I have done a ton of research to figure out why I still, after two years, feel the way I do about my past. I have also been learning about why he was the way he was, when he manipulated me into feeling inferior to him, over the span of close to a decade.

One of the most critical pieces of knowledge I have learned, is that narcissistic abuse causes damage to your brain.

Because of the amount of cortisol we release, day after day, damage is caused to the hippocampus, affecting its…

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It may not be the best choice, but it helps us survive

When I look back and try to recognize the person I was, when I was with a narcissistic abuser, one word comes to mind- FAKE.

I became a genius at pretending. I was skilled at acting genuine and in control. It was close to uncanny, the way I carried myself, head in the air, and seemingly happy.

Pictures on Facebook were of our travels together, events that we attended, and surrounded by friends. In all of the photos, I was most likely smiling or at least looked like I was. People who visited us, saw how he was toward me…

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It doesn’t make you a narcissist if you use their traits to heal

I had a lengthy meeting with my therapist last week, and we discussed the trauma that narcissistic abusers can cause. She asked me what my coping mechanisms were and I told her about the Grey Rock Method. She asked me for details on what this method entails, and I explained the practice of becoming a dull, grey rock so that you protect your own brightness and energy from the narcissist.

After we spoke about this technique, she said “You are an expert on narcissists!” I think I snorted when she said that, as I am far from what I would…

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You’re Damned if You Do, and Damned if You Don’t

Everything has become so offensive to everyone in the past few years. If you say something slightly off putting to one person, it becomes “racist” “sexist” or some other new “ist” that our world uses as a moral compass.

I, for one, am getting pretty exhausted from watching literally every word I write or say, around mixed company. I am more fearful of offending someone than I am of contacting the COVID virus, at this point.

Recently the beloved Dr. Seuss has been targeted, as has our favorite childhood toy, Mr. Potato Head. Why? Because they don’t fit in the…

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Can’t You?

Being with a toxic narcissist has taught me valuable lessons about life. I know I have written about my experiences, a lot. In fact, often, I wish I could switch gears and find something funny to write about , or even something that is less traumatic sounding. However, I am still in the healing stages of a long term abusive relationship from the narc I left behind, and I still have hope that others in these kinds of relationship can relate to my words, and hopefully find their own freedom.

My story, sadly, is not uncommon. There are so many…

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How to Spot the Red Flags of a Struggling Relationship

Learning through past failed attempts at relationships has taught me so much about what a healthy relationship is built from.

I have been with physical abusers, emotional bullies, control freaks, and narcissists. I have healed, worked through my own bad habits, and dealt with a lot of scars from previous relationship trauma, and am happy to say that I am now in my first HEALTHY relationship, and am in my 50’s.

My fiancé and I are not perfect. Individually we both struggle with our own mental health, our own demons, and our own past shit. Many people would say that…

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The Positive Takeaways from an Abusive Relationship

I often write about my previous relationships, my scars, my ongoing anxiety and depression, and the trauma causing P.T.S.D. that I have endured through the past years. I am in a state of constant healing, continual emotional inner battles, and learning all over, to figure out who the hell I am.

I will say this. Recently, I have determined that there is a lot to be grateful for in my life. Being with a narcissistic abuser has given me new skills and gifts that have helped me to become a better, stronger person.

Now, don’t go out searching for a…

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What are the Red Flags to Watch For?

Do you ever wonder if you have the traits of a narcissist?

Yea, me too.

Often, when I struggle over the things I want, or if the focus of a conversation isn’t on me while I speak, I check myself to ensure that I am a “normal” person, and not being narcissistic. I think this comes with the territory of being with a narcissistic partner for a length of time.

For the most part, since I got out of a narc relationship, I feel much more entuned to the mannerisms and characteristics of a selfishly narcissistic person. …

Photo by KristinaH

And his hearing “ big brother”

Meet Bosley and Charlie. Charlie is our white faced, blue eyed, non typical Boston Terrier. Bosley is our goofy, hilariously imperfectly perfect Boston.

They are our “furever toddlers”.

Kristina H

Writer of relationships / early childhood and mental health . Poetry and fiction dabbler

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