AN EXPERIMENTAL RESET
Every moment of every day, we make choices. Whether its what time the alarm wakes you, what to wear, whether or not to work out, or what to have for breakfast…Its YOUR choice to make. But, is there only 2 choices? Multiple choices? Or the choice to say Fuck it and not do ANYTHING. Wear what you want, eat what makes you feel good, or just say “Fuck it” …. and take a day to not get dressed, not eat (although that is not always a healthy option) and do what I call a RESET day. It gives you time to shut your brain off, reflect if you want to, and just be. It gives you opportunity to look at a day open ended, with no schedule, no priorities and no plans. It’s not advisable to do this EVERY day, unless you are retired and have no serious obligations to fill, but some days, it is necessary.
Since I have been dealing with anxiety, I now see that choice 3 is sometimes the ONLY choice that I am comfortable with, whether that is a positive or negative, is yet to be determined. It has started as a fun new experiment for me.
My typical good day starts off with a 5:30 alarm, a coffee while I wake up in bed, and then I dress in workout clothes, which forces me to go to my basement and hit my workout as hard as I can. I DO have the choice of saying Fuck it, and sometimes, I make that choice. Most days, I consciously force myself, as I know I will feel better afterward. If I choose to not do it, I feel guilt and regret throughout the day….And, I rarely will make up for it after work. So, my choice wasn’t Do it or Not do it, in the end, my choice was to just say “Fuck it” and put it behind me. No regrets and no guilt. That is not easy at first, but lets face it; some days its the BEST choice.
I was enlightened on one of my worst days of anxiety. I was shopping for a few groceries and some other items at Walmart while I was recovering from surgery . I was tired of feeling cooped up and decided to get out and do a little shopping. Long story short, at some point I had filled a basket with some food items and some other things and the sound and sights of people and noise just “got to me”. I started breathing very heavy, my heart raced and I felt a panic attack starting. I was standing in the produce aisle, and I was overcome with stress. I took a deep breath, put the full basket on the floor, right where I stood and literally jogged out of the store to the safety of my car in the parking lot. As I sat trembling, holding my steering wheel, I tried to process what had just happened. And it hit me….It was just too much, and I said “Fuck It”. As I drove out of the parking lot, once I stopped shaking, a huge relief came over me, and I finally felt empowered. I didn’t NEED to shop, I chose to. I had the choice of A) Shop B) Stay home or C) Try and if I don’t succeed, FUCK IT.
The art of saying Fuck it leaves you with an odd sense of freedom. If someone says something demeaning to you, or you interact with someone who you wholeheartedly disagree with, you have the 3 choices once again; You can let the words affect you, you can do everything in your power to push your thoughts back at them, OR you can just say “Fuck it”, walk away and don’t look back.
There is a very popular best seller book out right now called “The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck” and although I haven’t read it entirely, I feel like this is the basis of what Manson is communicating. You have the choice to walk away and NOT let anything get in your head. Just say “Fuck it” and move along.
The choice is yours…A, B or Fuck It…
It works well in relationships of all types, whether its your parents who have inadvertently insulted your intelligence, or your boss asking you why you didn’t meet a deadline when it was clearly assigned and making you feel worthless, or your spouse having a bad day and saying something that hurt your feelings. You can CHOOSE to allow it to get to you, CHOOSE to fight back, or walk away with the Fuck It mantra in your head. It is amazing how it lifts the repercussions of “feelings” off your shoulders, and helps you move forward.
So many articles and books that we read are all about “push yourself”, “dig deep and make yourself conquer your goals”. Every day there are more and more available Life Coaches touting how “you can do anything you put your mind to”, and although this is true, I have no doubt, some days I JUST DON’T WANT TO. Some days, I just want the world to stop, the day to not be a challenge, and I want to just say FUCK IT, and that is OKAY. We all have that option.
The Fuck It mantra has become a staple in my world over the past few months, and I have to say, it is VERY EFFECTIVE. Life is full of challenge, goals, deadlines, meetings, time sensitive appointments, commitments and agendas. It is a requirement to meet the needs of everyone in your family, and to ensure that you do what is expected of you. Responsibilities are daunting and can be exhausting. There is always groceries to buy, laundry to do, cleaning to finish, and life to tend to. But there is also this choice…JUST SAY FUCK IT.
Take time for a quiet walk alone, go for a drive, read a chapter or two in a book, paint, draw, or just watch mindless TV….and say it…. Fuck it. We all deserve this option once in awhile, when life is too much. Its not a choice that can ALWAYS be made, but, like a good friend, or a favorite blanket…its ALWAYS there.
The weekend is upon us now, and I am sure that most people have plans to do yard work, or cooking meals, or doing activities with children…or whatever the plan is. In my new world, if I don’t feel like I will be comfortable with a choice, or just don’t want to do it…there is always choice C…the empowering FUCK IT. The goals will always be there….but you only have ONE life. Sometimes you just need a reset day for you, with no guilt, no remorse and no regrets.
“You and everyone you know are going to be dead soon. And in the short amount of time between here and there, you have a limited amount of fucks to give. Very few, in fact. And if you go around giving a fuck about everything and everyone without conscious thought or choice — well, then you’re going to get fucked.”
― Mark Manson, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life