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Photo by Matheus Ferrero on Unsplash

The Positive Takeaways from an Abusive Relationship

I often write about my previous relationships, my scars, my ongoing anxiety and depression, and the trauma causing P.T.S.D. that I have endured through the past years. I am in a state of constant healing, continual emotional inner battles, and learning all over, to figure out who the hell I am.

I will say this. Recently, I have determined that there is a lot to be grateful for in my life. Being with a narcissistic abuser has given me new skills and gifts that have helped me to become a better, stronger person.

Now, don’t go out searching for a…


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Photo by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash

What are the Red Flags to Watch For?

Do you ever wonder if you have the traits of a narcissist?

Yea, me too.

Often, when I struggle over the things I want, or if the focus of a conversation isn’t on me while I speak, I check myself to ensure that I am a “normal” person, and not being narcissistic. I think this comes with the territory of being with a narcissistic partner for a length of time.

For the most part, since I got out of a narc relationship, I feel much more entuned to the mannerisms and characteristics of a selfishly narcissistic person. …


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Photo by KristinaH

And his hearing “ big brother”

Meet Bosley and Charlie. Charlie is our white faced, blue eyed, non typical Boston Terrier. Bosley is our goofy, hilariously imperfectly perfect Boston.

They are our “furever toddlers”.


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Photo by Andrew Neel on Unsplash

Things I never expected after my escape

Breakups are never easy. The worst kind of breakup is the “escape from abuse”, as it is traumatizing to you, and to your children if you have any.

One of the first, and most important pieces, of advice I can offer, based on my own experience, is to find mental health help as soon as possible. Whether this support is a professional therapist or psychologist, a close trustworthy friend, or a family member, finding someone to lean on after you leave is beyond helpful. Some may even turn to a clergy member, or spiritual peer to help them through the…


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Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

They Had no Idea What Their Sons Were Capable Of

When it comes to relationships, it is inevitable that you are not just building a partnership. You are taking on a second family.

For whatever reason, my track record holds a history of single moms who raised the men that I chose relationships with. I am not sure if there is some kind of correlation to the fact that the two most abusive men I have been with were raised without a Father in the picture, or if it is pure coincidence.


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Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

Inside the Walls of a Narcissist’s House

When I was a child, I recall in clear photographic images, how my Grandfather treated my Grandma. He would make demands on her constantly while he sat on his big lounger sipping whiskey on ice, and she would obey.

The two of them never seemed to laugh or have fun with one another, now that I think back. Their life was her cooking, cleaning, baking and puttering around the house, and he came home from work, sat for supper that was served by his wife. She would pour him his whiskey as he pulled into the driveway, and start to…


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Photo by Amine Rock Hoovr on Unsplash

When You are Ready…You Will Go

No one wants to feel like they failed in a relationship, and often it is at the risk of losing ourselves, or even our safety, while we struggle to tolerate a toxic, or even abusive partner. There are a few things to remember when you are in any kind of relationship-whether its with an intimate partner, friend, family member, or colleague.

You deserve respect, and so does the other person. If you aren’t feeling heard, valued, or respected, then it may be time to step back and try to find reasons that you aren’t being treated as you deserve. Alternatively…


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Photo by Siora Photography on Unsplash

Wield with Caution and Strength

So, you are stuck in a relationship of verbal abuse, gaslighting, and stone walling.

You cannot seem to find a way to battle the ways of the narcissist, and through your bond, your commitment, and your confused heart, you know that you love them, and in their own twisted way, you feel they love you back. It is exhausting, frustrating, and emotionally toxic for you.

Or, perhaps, you have left the narc behind, but share children with him/her. You still need to make contact and arrangements for shared parenting, but every single time you speak to the narcissist they still…


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Photo by Robert Metz on Unsplash

Crisis Situations are Not One Size Fits All

I have a clear memory of my childhood that reminds me of what happens when we are in crisis mode. My mother was standing over me, yelling at me to finish the food on my plate.

I had been vomiting throughout the day, with a fever and stomach cramps. My mom had spent the day cooking something, (I believe pork of some kind) and she filled a plate for me when my siblings and Father got home from school and work. I can still remember the smell of the meat and vegetables on my plate, that, at that moment, made…


We all have our own ways to care for ourselves

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Photo by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash

I saw a quote on Facebook the other morning that made me stop and think, momentarily. It was meant to be a half-assed, tongue in cheek, status that a friend posted, but it opened up a can of shame worms, causing extensive early morning eye-rolling, and actual annoyance at what our world is becoming. The post was:

Want someone to do your nails, hair, and eyebrows? The funeral home is open! If you want an appointment, keep running around!

This, clearly, is a stab at those who don’t see the need to mask up during this pandemic. And who mock…

Kristina H

Writer of relationships / early childhood and mental health . Poetry and fiction dabbler

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